Forget the “War on Christmas”

Aside from the pretense of self-defense that this victim narrative attempts to create in efforts to justify exclusive Christian representation throughout the Holiday Season, it conceals a more sinister reality: the war is Christmas. 

The battlegrounds are littered with the broken bodies of casualties, trampled under by stampeding hordes rushing to purchase discounted Christmas Cheer. Banal Holiday greeting card phrases invoking “Joy,” “Good will,” and “Holiday Spirit” have acquired all of the disingenuous euphemistic quality of invading armed forces “spreading peace.” Christmas Day itself is but a ceasefire. The true spirit of the holiday is embodied in the mindless brutality of Black Friday.

As we previously reported:
Tragedy occurred in 2008 at a Wal-Mart in Long Island when marching morons rolled over a part-time employee — a certainly unwilling participant in the day’s stupidity — who had the bad luck of being tasked with the unlocking the store doors at 5 am. Disgustingly, the crowd reportedly objected to clearing the premises in response to the man’s death.

The event resulted in a $7000 dollar federal fine gently rested upon the wrist of the multi-billion dollar company for “inadequate crowd management”. The minor fine was an outrage to Wal-Mart who fought the charge. That same year, two men killed each other in a Toys R Us shoot-out, a jostled pregnant shopper miscarried, and combating consumers in Racine, WI fell upon each other struggling to secure flatscreen televisions, smashing each other and many of the TVs in the process.

One would have hoped that in 2006 there would have been a prison sentence given to whoever had the maliciously moronic idea of dropping 500 gift certificate filled balloons from the ceiling at the Del Amo Fashion Center in Torrence, CA, where the ensuing melee injured 10 and sent one old woman to the hospital.

In 2009, a typical group of mindless beasts in their natural habitat — Wal-Mart — began tearing into shrink-wrapped items in a warring frenzy. The store was temporarily closed in an attempt to restore order. This brought the mob to a riot. They began beating on doors and windows from the outside while others tried to force their way in from the gardening area.

In 2010, CNN reported on the trampling of a man in Buffalo, NY. There was nothing unusual about the event, in fact, the predictability of the occurrence brought the news cameras to the store in advance. The foot-pummeled fool “told WIVB that he was pinned against a metal door support and was shoved to the ground. Shoppers went over him until staff pulled him to safety. ‘At that moment I was thinking I don’t want to die here on the ground,’ he said.”

As part of the herd himself, one may well doubt that this man would have felt equal sympathy for somebody else, some hapless victim underfoot, had the roles been reversed.
Since then, the body count has increased, but one type of Black Friday shopper consistently suffers zero injuries and registered no deaths: the online shopper. This holiday, keep it dignified and Satanic. 

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